I recently fell off my seat after bending and failing haplessly to tie one of my shoelaces. You guys can imagine the embarrassment. What was even more embarrassing was that the three Indian kids who sat at arm’s length couldn’t hold back their tears of glory as they chuckled in Hindu about the fat guy who had just suffered a landslide accident. With mayonnaise balancing off my lips and fries littered over my shirt, it was quite obvious that the only way was out. It was probably the longest distance I ever walked from my table to the exit door. The shame Oh my goodness!!!!! I got a wakeup call immediately. I needed to seek solace in a gym or better still get locked in there. How could any man struggle to tie a shoelace for crying out loud? Well, I was that man right there.
Judgement day had finally come to haunt me and instantly I knew I was paying the price for my pork obsession and other bad eating habits. I had been representing the Team One Pack movement quite admirably as Chairman but it finally dawned on me that it was time to throw in the towel. Feeling disgusted about myself, I started scouting for gyms to finally shed some of this excess weight and later zeroed in on one. Without hesitation, I paid my subscription and made an appointment for a Saturday to begin my work outs.
The day arrives and I appear before schedule all psyched with energy levels that could be rivaled by a rockets engine. I had my bu shorts and a full kit ready before I met this guy called Jimmy who was supposed to be my gym instructor. Like honestly, what does one need staircases for on his shoulders? The guy literally had Workers House on his shoulders with his stomach built like a whole estate with blocks practically everywhere. In my head I was like Yeeeee ssebo. I had seen what I would be like in the future. Jimmy had something of an attitude but when you have a belly like mine, the motivation to get to work supercedes anything. Jimmy teases me to stretch and I tell him to style up and hand me more masculine work outs not these kindergarten routines he wanted to put me through. How can a guy of my age do this “Apart together” nonsense. I fumed but later obliged and stretched.
“Jesus what did I sign up for?”I asked. The pain was excruciating as I could barely pick myself up from the ground. This Jimmy guy stubbornly refused to help me up on my feet as I felt a tear in the nether region. Intuition told me that I had injured a part of my body that is supposed to get me Jr Fords in the future as I screamed ”woweeeeeee”.
I put up quite a show with a series of moans as other gym attendees wondered who had brought this ‘girl’ to the gym. “Give me another set of stretches Mr Ford,” Jimmy screamed. I humbly told him to wait ko but he relented. I did the sets as he requested before looking down on me and whispered into my ear with a cocky statement, “This is just orientation week”. All I can say is that it was a pleasure meeting you Jimmy and the staff of Burn That Fat gym in Kireka. I am never coming back again.
