Man about town: I was forced to retreat downtown last week. You know, a good child in Buganda never forgets where their pockets are buttered. Although over time, the entire Kampala has morphed into downtown, there are still secrets in the core downtown, aka downtown proper.
Downtown Kampala proper starts from Mutaasa-Kafeero Plaza. If you are on Luwum Street or William Street, you are not yet downtown, you are just at the border. Even Mega Standard Supermarket does not qualify as downtown, you must cross into the old taxi park. That is why at the border of Kampala Upper and Downtown, you will find people selling ‘change’. Those brand new notes you have seen, they are to prepare you for a journey downtown.
There are some rules about downtown. Never appear so uptown for downtown. Otherwise downtown will school you in the art of downtown. Get some dirty shoes at least, get some faded jeans, or show up with a wrinkled shirt. At worst, have some head gear. Do not accessorise while going downtown. I repeat, do not accessorise, unless you are wearing some funny shirt with the photo of the ‘mubanda’, then you can take that risk.
Finally, once inside downtown, act downtown. Speak the language of downtown. And if at any one point, you get lost while downtown, never show it. If you enter the wrong plaza, find a route into the next plaza. Do not ask for directions while downtown. Just trust the spirits. You rather walk for an hour than ask for directions. In downtown, we assume everyone knows what they are doing. If you get lost downtown, branch off and try to bargain for stuff at a shop near you. Use that to get your bearings. It helps if you have that ‘ka-torch phone’, you know the phone that Ugandans use for banging deals. If you see someone with that ka phone, know for sure, that their money speaks all kinds of languages. Next time you are in downtown, carry such a ka phone and when you are lost, fake a phone call conversation. Pretend you are speaking to Mutyaba and shout out loud; ‘Gwe Mutyaba tokutula, wesulisse.’
