Sadly our education system has no provision for Spanish and Italian, which I am told you speak fluently. A man of your status should have many translators so I suppose reading this on your way from the airport should not be such a hard thing. You will most definitely feel the excitement that greets your arrival. The screams, boda bodas (motor bikes by the way) and a lot of unusual behavior should not scare you. Ugandans are just a weird lot of people whose excitement can be misunderstood. Some will genuinely want to see you because you are….well….The Pope. Others will get excited because it is yet another excuse to call in sick at work. In Uganda, we force public holidays. Surely, why work when the Pope is in town? While you might also be eager to know the people of Uganda, I shall save you the hustle. Ugandans just love their booze. Plain and simple. The day of your visit will also be an unofficial public holiday and some unscrupulous people cannot wait to drink themselves dead.
You will also notice our roads are uniquely smooth for any ordinary African country you have probably read about. We are your last minute guys. People here panicked to make sure our country looks temporarily perfect for you. It is how things are done here. It will literally take a Pope visiting to get some things done. When important people such as yourself are in town, we clean up quick but as soon as you depart, we are back to filth.
But most importantly, we need your prayers and blessings. In a country where socialites are celebrated and corrupt politicians spared, we need your divine intervention. We need deliverance from the weaves that have slowly become the average Ugandan woman’s signature look. This is a national crisis that only you can save us from. We ask you kindly to pray for our politicians who are making the best out of this time to take us on a trail of lies ahead of the elections next year. They do this all the time. We are invisible to them for a long time until they need votes. But it is all good. Shower your blessings upon them. Otherwise, we wish you nothing but a pleasant visit.
