On and off: She recently released a new single Multiply By 2, with Radio and Weasel, reminding us that she used to do music. Ian Ford Nkera guides you on how to be the songstress.
Angella Katatumba has had a stop-start music journey since she burst onto the scene many years ago. The husky voiced crooner has stubbornly remained in the musical wilderness even after showing glimpses of promise with some decent music. You get the feeling that she is still surprised by her talent that she has never figured out what to do with it. She has not lived up to her billing as one of Uganda’s best female artistes.
A detailed life outside music could be partly to blame. She has worn the hat of a businesswoman, human rights activist and a part-time socialite with so much adorn that her music career was going to take a hit as a result. Her private life has put her under savage scrutiny from the media with just about every powerful man in the country being linked to her. Mysteriously, she remains one of the most popular Ugandan artistes on social media as you will scratch your head to establish why. If you ever wanted to be like her, here is your guide.
Intelligent lady
As the Sheebah Karungis of this world can only flaunt their kindergarten completion certificates, Angella Katatumba can comfortably boast of being one of Uganda’s most educated artistes. Apparently at 19, she was already done with her Masters and was already earning big at a huge club in the US. Today’s 19-year-old is mastering in Instagram Studies. If you ever want to stand a chance of being like Angella Katatumba, just try to stay in school first. Angella surely took her education seriously and has one of the most enviable CVs around. Did I hear someone mention Red Banton? People can be mean.
Talented but …
All Angella Katatumba has to do is basically direct her voice towards your phone and it would probably register a missed call or alert you that your battery is full. It’s that powerful. Her vocal range projection can only be matched by a few. Desire Luzinda kindly take a seat in the far corner. She is probably a poor man’s version of Whitney Houston or better still, Aretha Franklin. No, I lied. Definitely not Aretha Franklin but you get my drift. All that vocal prowess has reached just 10 per cent of its potential surely. If you want to be like the vocally gifted Angella, be exactly that, vocally gifted but nothing much to show for it.
Be ‘there-there’
Angella Katatumba has never fully decided on a musical career. She is as indifferent as it gets. She is like those chicks you vibe but spend the whole year ‘studying’ you without much yield in the end. To be like Angella Katatumba, you can be like the average Ugandan who has a foot virtually everywhere. You can be the dude who is a bank teller by day and night-watchman by night. To be like Angella, keep your career options open. She is a part-time singer, part-time businesswoman and occasional human rights activist.
Independent woman
Angella Katatumba is your text-book definition of the independent woman. Basically women who think they have it all and do not give a damn about any man. They live in a virtual world with themselves as their own bosses. They would like to think that because they got a Masters Degree from somewhere abroad, the whole world should be ready to bow to their whims. Angella Katatumba is one such person. Her Master’s degrees must have given her a certain self importance that she has looked at any potential marriage suitor as probably a cog or a deterrent in her career. This beauty has remained single for a while. If you want to be like Angella, you will have to get sucked up by ‘career’. As you read every book off the shelf and live a life of independence, plan on how you are going to host Miss Menopause when she comes knocking.
‘LinkedIn’
What do Angella Katatumba and Desire Luzinda have in common? Obviously not their body types. They share a record of being linked to the most married men. Yes, they are certainly marriage material. Not in the real sense but their magnetic pull of any male already enslaved by marriage is simply overwhelming.
Tabloids have been awash with constant rumours of Angella hobnobbing with almost every emotionally unavailable minister or dotting businessman in Kampala. If you want to be like Angella Katatumba, be the woman no wife wants near the husband or the woman who inspires all those acid attack stories we hear about.
There you go. Knock yourself out and be like the beautiful Angella Katatumba.
DISCLAIMER
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.
