Naye there must be something about this Uganda that always gets tongues wagging. It is like those bu-dingy restaurants where everything is off but the food slaps. Every time I am away from this country for more than a week, I begin to miss it. I start longing for the bu-potholes, for the boda bodas. I guess this ka-country has some secret recipe that keeps us coming.
You see, the whole of 2024, Ugandans were crying mbu ‘Omusajja arrrgghh atufuzze nyo nyo alimba, at least let him give ko Abba Marcus…” So towards Christmas Day, I decided to confirm for myself, anti, the proof is in the pudding. Nga I get my ka-Subaru, pass by the washing bay and remind the Kanaabe to spray that ka body shiner, then I hit the road. The way Ugandans in bu-new number plates can hate you. The only good thing with a mature car is that other people are more afraid of you, anti you may scratch their cars.
Nga I get to a ka-place in Kololo. You know these days we do not wait to be told ‘parking is full’. Car racism is real in Kampala. Us of the UBF series, we just find the outside spot and walk in majestically. Those things of the valet trying to park your ka retro when all the brakes are screeching. I hit the spot nga it is all packed. Birthday on birthday, party on party, bucket ku bucket. Then I kept wondering, are these the same Ugandans we be crying with? Are they not confusing their president? Now I know where the proverb ‘in Uganda you cry alone’ came from. That whole weekend, I was dealing with invite after invite. Mbu simanya baptism, mbu simanya harvest, mbu simanya Christmas party.
You see, we made a bargain with the Pulezidenti, if he does not touch the drink, and all our foods, then he can do whatever he wants, Jayden can go to Lagos oba Khartoum. Naye, nga on a serious note, what are Ugandans cheering? That a new mall has popped up in Kyanja? I suspect it must be the bu-LinkedIn chefs. Nga people can cook on Linkedin. One, two things, mbu Bernard started a new job as Manager at Wetin technologies, three, four things, mbu Kaitesi is now Product Lead at Carbon Credits. You people, Kyoka they go silent when we add them to our wedding groups. You should start putting disclaimers on those Linkedin posts; “mbu this post is purely for cooking purposes.”
