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Ugandan men’s legs and our other Ugandan secrets

Paternity tests have never been our issue…

No lies, just secrets. I was wrong, I am here to apologise. Many months ago, I called them Ugandan lies. But there are no lies in Uganda, just secrets. A secret is not a lie, it is just something known to a few.

Last week, a war broke out between the East African Community, okay, there was a South Sudanese, a Kenyan and a Ugandan. The war was about the bag. The Ugandan man (you should guess who) had failed to carry the woman’s bag. Then came a Nigerian man, he offered to carry not just one but two women’s bags. Now the war extended to West Africa. What is this thing with Nigerian men and playing service above self? Do they know our issues with women’s bags?

There is this satisfaction women have when men carry their bags. It is like a win, a big win, a transfer of power. But then, there is this inherent fear in every man as he imagines himself carrying a woman’s bag. What could fall out? What am I losing? What grounds have I ceded? Every man has a phobia associated with carrying a woman’s bag. But not a Nigerian man. Why on earth would this Nigerian man muster the courage to carry not one but two bags? Until now, the battle of whether to carry or not to carry is still raging. It has become a lacuna!

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