All These boys: The ideal boyfriend is one that social media has explained in different ways. At least if all those posts are anything to go by, he should be rich, charming, right attitude and of course, one that rarely calls his mother. But since no one is perfect, these are the guys many of you end up with.
Following last week’s release of the different types of Ugandan girlfriends, the Uganda Girlfriends Association (UGA) has decided to unveil its own list of Ugandan Boyfriends. Of course, as usual, some of us, are just humble messengers. In case you don’t find your boyfriend on this list, then you are probably dating yourself.
‘Bebe Cool’
He is the type of boyfriend that will always be obsessed about you. He lives by the adage of; ‘my woman is my property.’ He will even add you to his titles whenever he is introducing himself. He is the kind of boyfriend that can’t imagine life without you in the equation.
The one thing about such boyfriends is that they will always do everything to protect their women, and stand by them in every situation. They will praise the smallest of things done by their girlfriends. If you are a lady and are in need of constant assurance then, get yourself a ‘Bebe Cool’ boyfriend. He will convince the world that you are the most beautiful woman in the country.
Fresh Daddies aka masappe boyfriend
This is the kind of boyfriend that will always show up when things make sense. You will see them show up after the release of the child’s PLE results. They will show up again at graduation. They basically love to own the success of their children. But deep down, they are fun and loving men. They are the kind of boyfriends you hate to love. Although they are usually broke, they never leave such things to stand in the way of their ‘sappe.’ At least, they will pick a hint or two from the ‘Bebe Cool’ while introducing themselves. Only that in their case, they replace ‘bba wa …’ with ‘taata wa ……’
The ‘Kuliisi Evans’
Now this is a warning, only date a ‘kuliisi Evans’ at your own risk. First of all, this type thinks love is expressed through words and not actions. They will give speech after speech of their undying love for their babe until she asks for money for a new hairstyle. Deep down, they have recited lines of excuses. They are the kind that will never be without problems, there’s always something that takes their money.
They will even narrate horror tales of being hit on the head with thousands of hammers. Above all, they will always have a ‘local’ flair to them. The only advantage of dating these men is that no girl is interested in stealing them. They are usually stuck in friend zones, praying that they are upgraded to boyfriend status.
Mummy’s boy
Okay we get it, all men are attached to their mothers. But then, the breastfeeding days have passed. However, you have the boyfriends that will never make a decision before consulting mummy. Everything is about mummy. You won’t know you are dating one until mummy starts showing up unannounced at his apartment.
God forbid you order for food when mummy is around. She will announce to the whole world about your efforts at starving her son. One thing is certain, you will never outcompete his mother. If you are dating mummy’s boy, then accept the fact that he’s always going to pick mummy and sisters over you at any one point. The best you can do is become another mummy.
Kabako
He is the definition of crazy. You can’t predict his next move. Kabako boyfriend will always pull off some crazy stunts. He’s the kind that will show up at your parent’s home for kwanjula with nothing to give. His entourage will comprise no more than five people. Kabako boyfriends are good for the party lifestyle but not for a long-term affair. However, if you are ready to be in a drama series for a relationship, then Kabako works perfectly for you.
The every girl’s dream
They are the kind of boyfriends you only see on Instagram. They are flying out of helicopters to propose to their girlfriends. They are taking their girlfriends for shopping in Dubai. They are surprising their girlfriends with cars.
He will buy a car to celebrate the fact that his girlfriend’s pet dog just learned to bark. Although they are a common feature on social media, no one seems to find them anywhere in real life. You can move the whole of Uganda, but they only seem to be an Instagram creation. It proves the fact that a dream is a dream!
The ‘Cheptegeis’
If you are a fan of marathons, if you are a fan of Formula One, then you must enjoy dating these ones. They are always running away from any slight sign of responsibility. Their phones will lose network the moment you start with the famous line; “baby we need to talk.” They won’t commit. They don’t want to see you move in with them.
God forbid you get pregnant for these boyfriends. You will spend your entire life running after them. You can tell he’s an athlete boyfriend when he avoids meeting any of your relatives. For he knows, that’s how it all starts.
Six Packs, Zero Work
Bobi Wine had these ones in mind when he sang the Kyarenga song. There is a difference between strength earned in the gyms and that earned on the streets. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from dating a bouncer for a boyfriend. At least, he will give the illusion of; ‘don’t mess with my girlfriend.’ They are good to walk with, but don’t expect much. Most of the focus is on their own body. Unless you are into fitness, tread carefully in this zero work area.
Twitter: @OrtegaTalks