GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS: We are all attracted to a different kind of people and when it comes to dating, some guys have had their experience with a bit of each of every kind of girl. Now here’s a quick hint on where your girlfriend might fall.
The Uganda Boyfriends Association (UBA) and Uganda Girlfriends Association (UGA) spent the past half of the year trying to categorise girlfriends and boyfriends. I am glad to announce, that the two parties reached an agreement. Going forward, every man will categorise their girlfriend as per the list below:
The campus girlfriend
Every man has gone through the campus girlfriend phase. This could be the girlfriend you had during your campus days. Or better still, the campus girlfriend you got after your pockets became healthier. But it all comes down to one thing, she is still at campus. Although most people assume campus girlfriends are low-maintenance, it turns out to be the opposite.
They say something must kill a man, but campus girlfriends will always kill a man. For how does a man deal with a woman who asks for a different hairstyle every week? Worse still, each of those hairstyles comes with a unique name that the pot-bellied friend cannot comprehend. If you have been to one of the trending lounges, you have seen a man in suits trying to pull off Gqom music strokes like the ‘gwara gwara.’ You can clearly tell he is misplaced, yet he is not about to surrender.
To all the men with campus girlfriends, we understand your fight. One day when your spine cracks, then the world shall know of your great fight to keep up with millennials.
The “our wife” girlfriend
“Our wife” girlfriends have become rare. If you speak to your men friends, there is always that one girl you have dated that they liked. She basically was a mother to all of them. She is the perfect description of a wife. She will make sure everyone is comfortable and fully satisfied. She tries her best to win the love of his friends. And she will never whine when he talks about hanging out with the friends.
She is the kind of girlfriend you do not want to see hurt. When our friend breaks up with such a girlfriend, we can feel the pain. Because “our wife” is the girlfriend everyone roots for.
The ‘Sure’ girlfriend
Every man out there prays for a ‘Sure’ girlfriend. Sure in the sense that she will always be available whenever he needs her. She is the kind of girlfriend you will call in the middle of the night. She will jump on a bike in that crazy coldness and make her way deep down to the dusty venues of Buwate. The ‘Sure’ girlfriend has few needs. All she needs is transport for her bike to and fro. She is independent in her actions. She will not even whine about you not calling her. She will only avail herself when you need her. Otherwise, she will stick to her own business.
The slay queen
She lives for the ‘gram’. At the end of the day, the slay queen’s only worry is how everything will look in the pics. Contrary to common opinion, slay queens are actually low maintenance. A slay queen can eat the worst of food as long as it can look nice when uploaded on Instagram.
To keep a slay queen happy, always give her those experiences worth posting about. It could even be something as simple as “Bettinah’s first day to eat a rolex.” When that is done, hook her up to an awesome photographer. Get up in the morning and give her a full year’s package with Daville. Finally, hook her up with a boutique and set her free. Make sure she has a VIP ticket to every event around town. When all is said and done, do not forget to rent an apartment with a balcony. As long as you can do things that help your slay queen girlfriend get the likes and retweets, she will love you for life.
“Where’s this going” aka Remnant girlfriend
Remnant girlfriends are always worried about the future. And for some reason, they always wait for those cuddling moments to drop the big question. “Honey, I wanted to ask you something. Where do you see this relationship going?” At that moment, you want to make it clear: “Baby, I am not Prophet Mbonye. How do you expect me, a mere son of man, to know the future?”
Remnant girlfriends are always asking questions related to the future, “What are we now?”, “When will you come home?” Thank goodness, there is now Google. You can always check it up for some default responses to some of the questions. However, if everything fails, send them for a session at the Zoe fellowship.
Bad Black aka Snail baby
One thing about these girlfriends is their honesty. They are the only girlfriends who can answer the question, “Is your boyfriend handsome or the ki-guy has money?” They always make it clear that they are with you because of your money. In simple words, you are currently the highest bidder. It is an openly transactional relationship.
Deep down, every dude knows it when they have a Bad Black. But they know that showcasing this one Bad Black will help them get tens of other zero maintenance girlfriends. To all the ‘not-so-handsome’ men with Snail babies, you make the human race stronger and better.
The drama queen aka Full Figure
She lives for drama, and will probably die at the hands of drama. One thing is certain, she always has a bone to pick about everyone and everything. She cannot stand a relationship devoid of arguments. When out, she will pick a fight with one of the bouncers, knowing very well that she is dating a weakling. If you get a Full Figure, be ready to match up to her, in words, in raising your voice and jumping onto every topic in town.
Twitter: @OrtegaTalks
