THE ROLEX CRAZE: This guy’s rolex is so badass that even Trevor Noah knows him. Never mind that the comedian has probably never tasted a rolex even. All we know is that he got other rolex chaps hating on Sula, so if you are looking to impress on the sigiri…
There are many heroes around the world and then there is the unsung hero, Sula the rolex maestro. We are almost certain that most of you — sorry KFC die-hards, wouldn’t know him. Snobs just! How wouldn’t you know Sula, a legend in his own right? May you ‘die’ from the excess calories that make most of the grilled chicken you guys munch on.
This article is dedicated to the lot that have struck a life-long relationship with their rolex guy. The guy who makes you that saucy delicacy, not either your mother or wife could dream of putting together. The guy who makes the rolex (not your fake RQLEX watches, guys) is the one and only Sula, the rolex meastro. Even renowned comedian, Trevor Noah knows him. He actually wants Sula to make one of those legendary ‘thingies’ for him when he visits. You can trust someone to ask how he knew about him. Well, you do good things and the universe will take notice. When you dedicate your life to creating greatness, people open their eyes eventually. Marrying flour with tomatoes, onions and salads is no mean feat, I assure you. It takes some kabalo (calculations) and experience.
To be like this rolex legend, here are the tips from a religious rolex customer:
Imperfection is golden — Start small
Don’t fret about Sula being sweaty and go like “ewwwww”. You are the disgusting one. This job is very demanding and surely Sula is allowed to sweat. We are also aware that a rolex without the ka drop of sweat from Sula’s head is useless. That sweat is magic. It is probably the real reason we keep going back. Did I hear anyone say Sula and his boys operate in dirty places? Funny how people who jump over trenches from their homes in Kalerwe would dare to talk. The Rolex brand can’t be associated with a very clean environment. It loses originality. Only rolexes made in shady or somewhat filthy areas can be trusted. If you are going to be like Sula the rolex maestro and carry out business, you do not need an office in upscale Bukoto to do so. Start small. It could be in your garage or somewhere near a shackled bar in your area. Simply set up and flourish. One problem though, Sula doesn’t wear deodorants to work. Kindly don’t emulate him.
Create Greatness
Sula the rolex maestro doesn’t just wrap a chapatti around an egg and dump it to you. He is no mercenary. It is an art he loves and has mastered. Sula, his cousins like Isabirye and Muna have run the game for decades. These chaps literally speak to your soul and quickly know what you have been missing. Once Sula sprinkles those onions, salads and what-not onto the eggs, it is a wrap. You are officially charmed. Chaps have been known to branch off to Sula’s before they go home to their wives’ horrible food. Poor ladies! Sula’s rola stays winning. His formula remains unclear but the midas touch is there for everyone to see. Forget his signature rough hands.
To be like Sula, simply do your thing and do it well. Perfect your craft so that no one can imitate. We all know Ugandans were put on this earth to copy but you can outsmart them completely. Chefs in fancy hotels have tried to ‘spice’ up the rolex but Sula’s remains the undisputed number one. If you can make married men run from their homes for a quick fix, you must be doing something right. Side chicks are reading this like, “yessss baby”. Well, stop getting ideas. Take a seat already. There is magic in raising your game. Try it.
Be reliable
Sula the rolex maestro is always available to do his thing. You don’t have to worry about him ignoring your WhatsApp messages. He has prolly never heard of WhatsApp. He doesn’t have time to post pics on Instagram. He is more dedicated to work than wasting his precious time thirsting for ‘likes’. He is committed to making the married, the single, those with hangovers, the heartbroken and a bunch of others all satisfied beyond doubt. Sula is there any time you want him. He is the Fixer.
To be like Sula, just be there any time. Again, this aint for you side chicks.
There you have it. Go ahead and be like Sula, the rolex maestro.
Chaps have been known to branch off to Sula’s before they go home to their wives’ horrible food… Sula’s rola stays winning. His formula remains unclear but the midas touch is there for everyone to see. Forget his signature rough hands
Twitter: @InK_era35