Sometimes these old men will make you laugh. You find the guy breathing heavily in the Barbecue Lounge parking and you think some hot young ‘thing’ has disorganised him kumbe its high blood pressure. You would have to bring a tractor to tow his Range Rover away from this hunting ground.
You see the man nodding his head like a lizard in approval after getting confused by all the young ‘meat’ on display. When he gets out of his monster car and reaches for his pocket to probably get a hankie to wipe the sweat off his bald head, that’s when all kinds of things fall out of his pocket. His medical insurance card, his insulin syringe will fall out, and you are there thinking, ‘old man please go home’. Go and get rest. Your wife is waiting for you but no way. That’s the time he has always waited for. Some of these old men have shame. There is always a part of them that asks, should I ‘attack’ or should I not?
He will remain at his car hoping some hot young chick can dream that Mr Old Man needs a meal and will walk up to him and chat him up. He will be in for a rude awakening when he realises that maybe not all these chicks find his sweet Range Rover attractive. He has probably been hearing from his buddies at the Golf Club or at that health club he frequents for a steam bath that these young girls love money so ordinarily all these chicks are supposed to be running after him. Nothing.
The whole thing is laughable. Dude is shivering but is still fighting to stay around and trick an unsuspecting kid into his nest. For a whole hour, the old man will remain confused on whether to attack or drive home to his menopausal wife. Not a man to lose a fight, he goes to the pool to feed with his eyes.
He will remain frustrated at the fact that he has a fat wallet but no esteem. The Kikuubo trader can only muster ‘is-was’ English but not the kind to invite young chicks to have a drink with him. Mind you, these are chicks slightly over 18.
The man has suffered. He has to fight diabetes, language barrier and a lack of esteem. A stupid thought cultivated in his mind will encourage him to try swimming and that’s when this 60-year-old something man will rush to his car to pick a swimming costume left in the car by his grandson. He thinks that’s the way to get these girls attention. You will find him in the changing room trying to package himself into the Mickey-Mouse shorts of his obese grandson. He will soon say a quick kamambayambaya before dashing into the pool. He will follow the kids like a crocodile after geese on the shores. Thankfully, his belly can allow him to float. The heavy breathing will startle the girls a bit but he won’t back down.
He will attempt his Kikuubo English of “how are you, come here you, water is good” blah blah but nothing. It’s after this that he will decide enough is enough and that this embarrassment can’t be the price he has to pay. He will smartly walk out until one of the kids will run after him demanding his name. His face will light up and a faint inner voice will hint to him that the time is now. And that’s how he will walk with these kids to enjoy chips. The girls will eat and eat as he embarrasses himself with the constant belching at the poolside. For the first time in his life, someone has laughed at his jokes and the bu girls can’t be happier at how these financial wells are flowing. It’s after this bonanza that he runs to the changing rooms to freshen up and carry these young girls into his Range Rover.
I was the guy at the poolside watching a comedy skit. So soon after, they disappear from the parking lot to God knows where. God Bless our nation. And you old men who carry all our ladies, we are also eyeing your daughters. Lol. It’s a “draw-draw”.
